actually, I'm a sock model
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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