so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
