my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
