Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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