You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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