i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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