He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
