Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
