dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
