yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
