It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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