I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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