Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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