took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
