I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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