At least make sure they are 18
Why
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
