At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
