Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
