I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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