you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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