Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
