Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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