I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize