Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize