What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
