basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
