If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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