singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
