i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have already put on my inside pants.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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