1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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