I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
