Will you blow on my dice?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
