My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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