Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
