I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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