Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize