I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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