The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
