yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
