Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
