Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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