Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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