those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
