So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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