i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
