Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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