On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
