either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
