Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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