I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
