Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
