well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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