i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize