C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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