those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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