So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
